the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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