So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize