You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
