Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
