even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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