All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
