Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
