cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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