I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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