When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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