those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
