I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
