HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
