dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
