I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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