I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
