We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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