You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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