When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
