She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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