I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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