Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
