Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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