HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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