I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
