Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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