All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
