he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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