96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
