You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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