Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
