Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
