Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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