im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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