I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
