Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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