do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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