If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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