nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
