Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
