I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
