Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
