I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
