At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
