Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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