How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize