I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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