shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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