Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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