dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
