I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize