i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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