I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
