It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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