I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
