He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
