i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
