Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i've created a new STD.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
