Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
