wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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