how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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