i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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