I think my fart just growled at me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
