eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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