Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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