I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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