can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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