Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize