last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
