This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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