Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
