So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
