So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
