I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
