Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
