Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I party with great urgency now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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