theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Farmville is her only friend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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