HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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